The Procrastinating Pegger

I did it.

2008-03-29T00:02:00.003-05:00

I booked a trip to Egypt, leaving May 19th. I've always wanted to go, a deal came across my in-box, and the rest is history.

What good is money if you don't spend it on things you really want, right?

Always on my mind.

2008-03-02T21:37:00.002-06:00

The Georgia disaster has been on my mind, big time, of late.

What would have happened had I been a full-on hockey wife for a year or two?

I feel kinda cheated of my opportunity to do nothing but work out and cook for my hubby, but at the same time, the failure of my hubby's biggest dream (well, the end of his professional hockey career) made us who we are today.

Had he not been cut, we never would have survived a tornado, a contract at the soul-sucking company I 'grew up' at, and wouldn't be in this content state of mind as it is right now.

Part of me wishes I could have lived as a hockey wife for a few years, but I know the way it turned out was for the best. It's always in the back of my mind, and I know B still has nightmares about that time in our lives.

It's who we are. It's what makes us, us.

Crazy how life turns out that way.

Reading more

2008-02-19T21:13:00.002-06:00

I have paid up my library fines and have decided to read more Canadian classics in my free time.

So far, I've finished Larry's Party by Carol Shields and am half way through The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. Any suggestions on what to read next?

PS: There's no underline in Blogger's little formatting box, so once again, I'm not using proper APA or MLA style. Sorry.

I love wine.

2008-02-17T21:25:00.001-06:00

And night's off. And cheese. And cuddly cats.

In the last year...

2008-02-09T10:14:00.000-06:00

I have worked with reporters on stories for the following publications:

New York Times
Washington Post
Seattle Times
San Fran Chronicle
National Post
Globe and Mail
Canoe.ca
Montreal Gazette
The Gazette (UK)
Virtuoso Life Magazine
Incentive Magazine
Canadian Incentive Magazine
Sales & Marketing XP

Among others... and I still make a starting communications salary AND will not be traveling anywhere fun on the company's dollar this year.

Sure, I'm 'on my way up' in the company, but after two years of consistently proving myself as an employee... I'm frustrated. Again.

I am going to have a talk with my boss when he's back from Mexico. I'm fine with the shitty salary if I get to travel more. However, I have garnered media placement for the Beijing Games in almost every publication on the list above and I am still not considered to travel to that event?

I don't care who wins the Super Bowl

2008-02-03T14:23:00.000-06:00

There, I said it. Flame me if you must, but honestly, it doesn't really matter to me.

I always say I'll get into the NFL this season. I've said it for the last three seasons and I just can't... I blame it on work, on using Sunday as my domestic day, on not wanting to stuff my brain with more sports-related information.

I'll get into the NFL next season.

Bah!

2008-01-31T20:15:00.000-06:00

My car was broken into today. They didn't steal anything, but they damaged my passenger door and I'll have to make an insurance claim.

Fuckers.

I hate Winnipeg's auto theft problem. This is the 2nd time in a year that our vehicles have been stolen or broken into in my work parking lot downtown...

No words.

2008-01-30T21:56:00.000-06:00

There are no words to describe the awful things that have happened to a girl I went to high school with. We played on the volleyball team together. We hung out at university during breaks. We weren't crazy close, but twice in our 27 years on earth, she has fallen victim to terrible tragedy and I can only shake my head, feel terrible, and wonder why some people have to deal with such horrible circumstances.

When we were just out of high school, her 16-year-old brother died in a car crash. Killed by a drunk driver. Last week, she gave birth to a baby that was due at the end of February, but who died shortly after birth due to complications during the labour.

Life is fucking unfair. I should spend every spare moment thanking my lucky stars that I have the life I have, knowing it could all change in a moment, but I don't. And this poor girl has had to deal with two completely life-altering events that are so far from her realm of control... and I complain about windchill. It's beyond sad that she has been through so much in the same amount of time I've spent pissing good days away.

There are no words to describe how awful I feel -- and how there is nothing any of us can do about some matters of life and death. No words to describe how incredibly unfair this seems. No words at all.

Bring on the mojitos!

2008-01-20T20:10:00.001-06:00

Hi, you have reached me. I'm in Cuba from January 21 to 28th, so I won't be answering any messages and instead, will be in a state of constant drunkenness for about the next seven days. Have a good on!

We're in...

2008-01-17T23:17:00.001-06:00

And it's fabulous.

The new house is this roomy character place where I feel immediately at home as soon as I walk in the door. I knew it from the moment I saw it (even though I was incredibly hung-over) back in July and I had the same feeling when I walked in today as its rightful owner (next to ING Direct, of course).

The hardwoods gleam. The crown moulding, old school designs on the thick wood doors, and huge brand new windows overlooking the big trees in the back yard, make me smile.

It needs some work -- it's a few steps from being the perfect home for us (namely 80's melamine cabinets fighting with a bright green countertop and the bathroom fixtures which may just be from 1954.) And, the *gasp* double garage is no where near the size of our former OVERSIZED double, causing the husband to moan about a lack of storage space for his toys... but those are our only complaints.

It's family friendly. It's on a quiet street. It has a back yard and a deck and did I mention the hardwoods shine like justice*?

It's ours. However, deep down, I feel like I don't deserve this massive (well, 2250 square feet of finished living space) fantastic home. I feel like I haven't earned it. I deserve to live in a weird house on a kooky street with a next door neighbour who asked for her red flood light back (after giving it to us as a "gift" last Christmas... wrapped and everything).

And I worry that one day, someone or something is going to discover we're pretenders. We're not all grown up and we can't possibly have grown up enough jobs to draw a down payment on a house like this without paying CMHC fees. It doesn't feel real.

Until that day, when we're found out as the frauds we are (while making our payments and *gasp again!* contributing to retirement savings plans at the same time), I'm going to feel a little out of place in this more deserving person's neighbourhood, while feeling completely "at home" in my new abode, if that makes any sense at all.

(*Note the Cake reference? Cake is awesome packing and unpacking music. I am an opera singer...)

A mix of emotion

2008-01-06T19:49:00.001-06:00

The next few weeks are going to be insane.

We're finally moving into our house. I'm beyond excited about moving into such a beautiful house and making it our home. I can honestly see Christmas mornings with little kids running around and family BBQs and all of that by just thinking about this wonderful home.

Of course, I'm a practical planner and money is a concern. It's not, but in my mind, it always is. I have just had the best year of freelance work in my life and the husband is finally making decent coin (and wow, when he gets overtime, it's totally worth the inconvenience of weird hours).

I'm also completely weirded out by moving into such an 'adult' home at this stage in my life. I'm going to be 28 this year and the closer I creep to 30, the more I wonder how the hell I got to this stage so quickly! I mean, I want to start a family and 'settle down' (ha!) but I'm still a kid at heart. Will I still feel like this at 38, 48, etc?

Do the years just go on by and before you know it, you're closer to death than birth? I guess one could say that every day is one day closer to the end, but thankfully, we never know when that's going to be. That said, I wish I could take advantage of every day better. I work, I sleep, I interact with my co-workers and my husband. That's my life.

My 2008 resolution -- to live every day as if it's one step closer to the last, but not in a melancholy way. I guess it's like living every week as if it's Shark Week.

PS: The husband is convinced he is going to be eaten by sharks in Cuba. He actually thinks there is a Communist conspiracy to not report shark attacks in order to keep Canadian tourists coming down south.

Merry Christmas to all...

2007-12-22T23:17:00.000-06:00

And to all, a good night. :)

I've been pretty absent here but don't worry, I'm alive and almost well. Lots of work and lots of play doesn't give you a lot of time to naval gaze or comment on the world around you, so I've been quiet.

On one hand, I'm happy to give 2007 the boot -- it's been a shitty year for a lot of people and it didn't go down as I had hoped, but I'm left with positive feelings for 2008. If anything, 2007 taught me that there are some things you just can't plan for, there are things you can plan for that never happen, and there are just things that don't require planning at all so quit worrying about them!

I wish anyone who still reads this blog a very happy holidays, no matter what you celebrate or with whom. May all the presents under the tree turn out to be what you really asked for.

MIA

2007-12-10T19:14:00.000-06:00

Working through some stuff now and not crazy about baring my soul... but I'll return soon.

I'm going to the big game.

2007-11-19T20:26:00.000-06:00

Grey Cup, Toronto, November 25th. And so is my beloved Blue Bombers.

How often is your team in the big game? Um, the Bombers have only been in three Grey Cups since 1990, so how could I pass up the chance to go with my sister? I've worked for the team for eight seasons and the $1000 I'm spending on flights, hotel and tickets is much, much less than I've made from them during that time. I'll cough up some serious cash right before Christmas, Cuba, and our new house to see my team hoist the Cup, even without our starting quarterback.

I'm rarely optimistic, but this time, I'm going to go with my heart instead of my head.

Go Blue!

So much ambition...

2007-11-10T12:31:00.001-06:00

So little motivation.

Hey, I cleaned the cat litter and vacuumed the cat room today. That's enough for me.

Being your own boss

2007-11-08T18:29:00.000-06:00

Is it as much fun as it sounds?

For a procrastinator who thrives on deadlines, it may not be ideal, but I'm looking for 'from home' opportunities that don't sound like get rich quick schemes or require selling things at parties.

I have a good idea (one that won't make the $ per hour of work less than minimum wage, like my first idea from a few months back) that I could do, I think, with minimal investment, some training, and some sweet ass marketing.

Now, am I willing to make that jump?

**Please note, I am not about to quit my decent part-time video work or my okay full-time job at this time.**

Waiting on the world to change

2007-11-06T18:11:00.000-06:00

I'm in limbo, again.

It's not a bad thing. There's nothing that I want to do to drastically change my life at this point, but I feel like I'm in this adult wasteland where I could be doing something else but am either too lazy or too tied up to do anything about it.

Sure, I'd love to quit my job, sell our house, and travel the world, like a girl on a board I frequent. Our time for major career/relocation horror passed three years ago (oh gawd, the Georgia disaster still stings today) and it was not particularly free-spirited.

Sure, I'd love to be a stay-at-home mom. However, my body won't cooperate and I don't think impatient me is the best applicant for full-time mommy-star duty. When we have kids, I will work, ideally 20-30 hours per week. My brain and my moods depend on outside interaction.

On a cool November night, I'm thinking there's nothing I could change that I haven't already. I'm content. I'm not freakishly happy, but I'm not wallowing in self-pity (even thought it sure sounds like it sometimes).

I'm in content limbo and anticipating, hell, practically waiting for something to happen and knock me out of this stage.

The great mystery that is conception

2007-11-04T10:26:00.000-06:00

I want to be a mom. I want to have a brood of little kids living in my home, eating my food, and suffering from my discipline.

Apparently, it's not that easy, even at the young age of 27. 2007 will go down as the year that I didn't get to wear maternity clothing, despite having massive amounts of sex targeted to bring on that fashion wave.

Now, after being off hormonal birth control for a year and after "not trying, not preventing" for almost 10 months (many of which my husband was away during the week, so our timing was less than perfect, but that doesn't mean we didn't get it on when we could), I'm starting to feel like there's something seriously wrong with me.

In my close circle of friends, all have had abortions but me and two others. One has also never seen a positive pee stick, while the other has two kids already. I always thought I was lucky, avoiding an unplanned pregnancy. Now it seems that I could have had all the crazy unprotected sex that I wanted with no consequences, minus those drippy, itchy diseases.

10 months is not a long time to wait to get pregnant. I know that. And I know that I'm young and there are all kinds of ways to get my knocked up... but I feel like I'm missing out on something that is supposed to happen naturally and without medical assistance.

True, I started augmenting my hormonal make-up at 16 with birth control pills and maybe I've fucked up my ability to produce progesterone on my own (my newest worry now that I've read way too much on the subject on the internet, based on my 'symptoms,' which up until last week, were just my body's weird quirks).

I understand that a 'healthy' couple has a one in four chance of conceiving every cycle and it takes an average of 6 months to get pregnant. Patience has never been a virtue of mine and without a diagnosis of endometriosis or PCOS or, god forbid, unexplained infertility, we just have to keep the goalie on the bench and play the shoot-out over and over and over, hoping that one time, the stars align and the great mystery that is conception occurs.

And then, once it occurs, we have to wish and hope and pray that the little DNA sack can burrow itself in my (possibly questionable) body and stick around for almost a year.

No wonder I feel like I'm burning out. Combine this constant worry on top of my career woes and I'm well on my way to being a old cranky, dried up woman who lives with far too many cats. Yes, I am well on my way.

Starting to burn out

2007-11-03T16:56:00.000-05:00

I remember why 70-hour weeks are not good for my body, mind or soul.

I need to start saying no. Too bad I can't do that at my morale-sucking 9-5 instead of to the part-time stuff that I truly enjoy...

Massages are heavenly

2007-10-29T19:41:00.000-05:00

Yes, I know that's a Captain Obvious statement, but after two straight 70 hour work-weeks, I had a blissful massage today.

However, my masseuse (what an odd looking word!) talked through the entire hour. I wanted to say "Please, let me just enjoy your hands on my body" but that would have been rude (and kinda weird, considering she was no older than 22, rather cute, but lacking penis).

A monthly rub will become part of my routine. It's too fantastic not to -- and after so much stretched/standing camera work and hunched replaying, it's almost necessary to keep my sanity (and to keep me out of the Robaxacet Platinum).

Cuba

2007-10-28T18:45:00.000-05:00

So, to celebrate my exciting work news, I booked one week in Cuba at Breezes Jibacoa, half way between Havana and Varadero in a less touristy area of the coast for January 21-28, just four days after we move into our new house.

What can I say -- I work best to deadline and that also goes for moving.

Good days and bad days.

2007-10-24T20:06:00.001-05:00

I've had more bad days than good of late -- a combo of work uncertainty, lots of hours freelance, and finding my husband downright annoying has trumped the fact I love my freelance work of late.

My normal job took a step up today. Nothing is confirmed, but I had a good talk with my boss today about all kinds of things. I left our meeting happy and enthused -- not a mention feeling a renewed sense of motivation. Sure, my job description is far from perfect and I'm completely underpaid, but from what I heard today, it sounds like both of those won't be as much of negatives in the future.

And, we're booking a trip to Cuba for January, just 4 days after we get possession of our new house. I'm super excited about a sunny vacation and find myself lost when I don't have something to look forward to... again, that's looking up.

Today was a good day and hopefully it shelters me from a bad day for a while.

When Castro finally dies...

2007-10-22T20:39:00.000-05:00

Will we be in the country?

The hubs and I are considering a sunny vacation to Varadero in January.

Brief Update

2007-10-15T19:40:00.000-05:00

The weekend was fun, I'm working like a dog at two jobs all week and I weighed myself tonight.

I'm 15lbs heavier than I was the last time I weighed myself, which was in mid-July, just before I weaned myself off my anti-depressant of choice.

I just signed up for Weight Watchers on-line.

A weekend away

2007-10-11T23:39:00.000-05:00

With my co-workers.

It's the annual "Summit" planning session/team building weekend... I'm happy to get out of the city for a weekend and enjoy some crisp mountain air in Lake Louise, but I'm also not crazy about spending a weekend with the same people I spent 40 or more hours per week with, especially since I now have a husband at home and I like him.

I take solace in the fact this weekend will be over before I know it.

Miserable

2007-10-09T20:18:00.001-05:00

The weather is miserable and it's making me miserable.

Rainy Octobers are only good for one thing -- getting us ready for six months of crappy weather. I haven't seen sunshine in three days (or more) and I do not do well with overcast skies.

I'm really miserable at work, too, especially when I think about the fact I've been working full-time in a marketing or communications capacity for over seven years and am still at an entry level position. Well, I was quoted in the Globe and Mail last week, so that's not exactly entry level, but I'm making shit money, in a company where I have nothing but shitty tasks, and I come home every day, feeling like shit.

Rain is good for mushrooms, right? Left in the dark and growing in shit...

There are a few bright spots. My marriage is good. Our overall financial situation is good, thanks to the hubby's overtime opportunities. My freelance job rocks -- and I'm pretty damn good at what I do on the side, if I may say so myself. My cats are home and so incredibly cuddly. We're moving into a super-kick-ass house in January. I think we're going on a sunny vacation to get out of dreary Winnipeg sometime this winter.

Maybe that's why I like alcohol. It's like a sunny vacation away from my everyday bad mood. I wonder if I drink more when it rains?

Thankful

2007-10-04T19:01:00.001-05:00

Thanksgiving = my Gido's birthday. The two go hand in hand, even though he was born in August and his family didn't register his birth until October 10th.

He passed away almost three years ago and I still think of him and bawl my eyes out. I have never lost someone who meant so much to me before.

He wasn't a deep conversationalist or a man who changed the world, but he embodied so many things that I look up to -- a stubborn work ethic, a hilarious sense of humour, and a good heart.

I've written about him before because every once and a while, I'm blindsided with memories of him. He passed away at a terrible time in our lives, just after the hockey dream died, but I think we were brought home for a reason. I still remember the last time I saw him, four days before he died, and how he hugged me so tight, like he knew...

And I swear he's visited me in dreams. I believe he read the letter I wrote him before his funeral and still watches me. I hope he's proud.

From his obituary:

Pete was born on October 10, 1928 on the family farm and lived there until his death. He married XXXXXXXXX in 1954 and they raised their six children on the same farm where he grew up. While they shipped cream, grew grain, raised beef, chickens and pigs, Pete always had a soft spot for horses and working in the garage. He was an avid hunter with lots of stories about the 'jumper' who got away. Pete always enjoyed the company of family and friends, playing jokes on his grandchildren or having a drink with his buddies.

I miss his rough Ukrainian accent, chicken soup, and shoe obsession.

On Sunday, we'll all gather in the house where he lived his entire life and laugh together about the crazy stories and funny memories we have... and I know there's a part of him living on in each of us.

Sucking it up, Princess

2007-10-02T21:26:00.001-05:00

It's not going to be easy and it's not my preferred method of business, but there are things in my life that I cannot change and I'm just going to have to suck it up.

Being an adult sucks. I wish I could still be a kid and throw tantrums every once and a while to draw attention to my cause. Sure, no one would take me seriously, but that's pretty much how I'm being treated right now... and it would feel awesome to yell and scream and throw things for a while before I calmed down and went to my room for a few hours to sulk.

Instead, I made Black Forest cupcakes filled with (light) cream cheese and cherry goodness to celebrate my adult ways of coping. No wonder I'm worried about losing my job for being a porker (or not porking the right people).

Appauled, but not surprised.

2007-10-01T18:28:00.000-05:00

There are perks to working in a testosterone-laden office and typically, I handle the off-colour jokes and idiosyncrasies quite well.

Not today.

My boss, a man who I respect, enjoy working for, and feel rather loyal to, said he had a perfect candidate for our Admin. Assistant job but couldn't hire her because she's a "bigger girl." He said he knew she wouldn't fit into the company culture and certain members of the staff would make fun of her.

I said, "That's a really sad statement on the culture of this company" before fuming at my computer screen for the rest of afternoon.

I work in an office full of double standards, questionable ethics, and sometimes, downright sexism. Usually, I can handle it, but now, I'm wondering if my weight has been discussed or made fun of. I'm wondering why I was hired, what, with my BMI and all.

No wonder my motivation is at an all-time low, but it sounds like I should start watching my portions -- who knows, my job could be at stake.

Rewind?

2007-09-30T21:17:00.001-05:00

I was in such a hurry to get a job after high school that I really didn't pay much attention to a) what I liked and b) what I was good at.

Can I have a rewind?

Or, worst case scenerio, can I go back to 1999 and start on a Sugar Daddy quest???

There's crazy, and then there's...

2007-09-26T19:07:00.000-05:00

My next door neighbour.

She's nosy, to say the least, but what she did this week takes the cake, icing, and crumbs all at once.

She fell in love with a couple who were looking at our house. The couple is very interested and comes back a second time. Neighbour spends 20 minutes chatting with them.

I get home from work yesterday after 5 days away from the house to a ringing phone. Someone next door saw me get home and had to call me right away to tell me to accept this couple's offer.

She went as far to say it's not fair that people take the highest bids -- we should be thinking about who is buying the home.

I thought this was odd until my real estate agent upped me. Upped me good.

It seems my next door neighbour hunted down the male part of the couple she loved AT WORK, only knowing his first name, and was keeping him abreast of how many people were going through the house. Seriously.

Well, we got six offers and the beloved couple (perfect next-door neighbours for the nosy one next door, especially since they were French and actually spoke the language, unlike us fake "LaLastName" folks) was not the highest bidder.

I broke the news to nosy neighbour this evening and she is pissed. She told me we were too hasty in our decision and should have met the people who would be buying this house. Yeah, because that's how a hot real estate market works.

I cannot wait to be rid of Mrs. SquakyVoice LaNoseyPants in January. After two years of dealing with her side door being 5 feet from my bedroom window and her yelling at her poor dog all over Old St. Vital, this was the final straw.

PS: The house sold for 22K over asking. I'm ecstatic.

Drunk

2007-09-23T19:43:00.000-05:00

I can't imagine not being able to drink.

Seriously.

I love being drunk.

Displaced

2007-09-22T19:47:00.000-05:00

I have a home, but I can't stay there because other people are going through my house, trying to decide whether or not they want to buy it. We've had over 15 showings so far, so I'm feeling rather good about that part, but I'm sick and cranky and not feeling 100% about sleeping in someone else's bed for a few days.

Don't get me wrong. My sis and I get along just fine and I'm very happy to be staying in her house with its big screen TV, cheater Bell ExpressVu box, and wireless internet access. Her boyfriend and my hubby are best buds, so there's nothing wrong there.

I just want to be able to chose which pair of pjs I lounge around in as I'm hacking up a lung. I want to be able to cuddle in my bed with my kitties. Being sick when you're not at home is no fun at all.

I don't know what to think about this

2007-09-17T19:04:00.000-05:00

History: I have tried to move into a particular department in our company twice now, and have been shut down both times. Both jobs had to do with event planning, what I did in a previous life.

A job comes up in this department, but not something I'm interested in. It's all about negotiating hotel space and creating product knowledge documents -- not planning events. A friend in the department asks why I wouldn't be considered, not knowing that I want nothing to do with the position.

VP says that I wouldn't be a fit because:
a) I have poor attention to detail
b) I don't put in the long hours required in this department with my current position.

Plus, he goes on to say that our Sales and Marketing Assistant, who is not good enough to move into his department, can do my job.

VP is an idiot. If I have poor attention to detail, then why do I manage our on-line pricing database? Is it because I love data entry? I sure as hell hope not. And, I don't put in long hours because my job doesn't require it. I come in early and am producing exactly what my VP wants me to produce.

For him to say that 20 year old kid straight out of travel school can do my job -- when she's not good enough to be a Guest Service Rep in his department -- is a complete slap in the face.

I talked to my VP about it and he said to consider the source and to not take it personally. The offending VP knows very little about what I do and direction will come from my boss and no one else (minus the president).

Talk about making me feel like I want to hitch myself to this company for the long term, eh? I've been typecast as a data entry queen and will never shake that, no matter how many stories I pitch or how many marketing ideas make us money.

Pretty hard to not take it personally.

ETA: This is the same VP who didn't talk to the president about one of his employees slutting it up on a multi-city tour. Gah!

Offer day cannot come soon enough

2007-09-13T20:10:00.000-05:00

I'm having serious money freak-outs, even though I know as long as we get our listing price, we'll be a-okay.

I need to know how much we're making off this house. I need to know that we will be able to avoid a CHMC premium. I need to know that taking mat leave sometime in 2008 may be okay... if it comes to that.

I hate uncertainty. September 28th, the day after offers, cannot come soon enough. That said, showings start one week from today!

I'm proud

2007-09-11T21:31:00.001-05:00

My hubby has become quite the handyman in the past two and a half years since we bought this house.

The improvements we've made don't suck and it's all thanks to him. I'm rather impressed.

The sign is up!

2007-09-09T21:15:00.000-05:00

And the house doesn't go on MLS until the 17th! Holy efficient real estate agent, Batman!

The husband is going to be busy on his day off tomorrow (changing a light fixture and painting the bathroom) and then it's my job to clean it up a bit before we hire a cleaning fairy for the first time.

I cannot wait to have someone else clean my house. :o) It's like the most decadent thing I have ever done in my life and I am so incredibly excited to see what this place can look like all sparkling clean (because we all know it hasn't been since I moved in).

From the farm.

2007-09-08T18:10:00.000-05:00

I love fall in the Interlake. No stubble burning here, just crisp, cool fall air.

Closing a chapter

2007-09-06T20:27:00.001-05:00

Our house goes up on the market on September 17th.

I'm terrified. I'm excited. I'm pretty much waiting for the 25th (offer day) to come quickly and painlessly.

We need to make our asking price and in this market, I know we probably will. A few extra thousands of dollars would be sweet, but I'm not holding my breath, knowing my luck. Right now, we're doing pretty much everything we can (cheaply) to ensure multiple offers (changing some fixtures, updating some paint, and making it look like Barbie's Dream Starter Home). It's a newer, odd house in an older, quiet neighbourhood and is perfect for a young couple who don't plan on having kids or dogs anytime soon.

I think that's what scares me the most -- we're moving onto the "family house" with all of the expectations that family house brings. Like cooking Easter dinner. Or procreating.

At the end of the day, I look at this house as our real start of grown-up life since we bought it just after B started at Hydro, leaving hockey behind. It's just a house, but to me, a chronic apartment jumper, it's where I've stayed the longest I've lived anywhere but the farm where I grew up.

I cannot wait until the anxiety of selling can end and the anxiety of growing into a family home can take over.

Canadiana

2007-09-05T18:07:00.000-05:00

This past weekend was like being puked on by Canadiana... or prairie Canadiana, because it's what I know best.

I rode a Beaver Bus Lines coach to Regina with 53 other football diehards, listening to the Tragically Hip, The Guess Who, and some undecipherable rockabilly punk, drinking Labatt Lite, and reciting age-old fight songs like "I'd rather be a Bomber than a fucking Roughrider..."

It was an experience, to say the least. Sick with a killer cold, I drank as much as I could during the day, and then chugged back some Niquil, slept for a few hours, and did it all over again for three days straight.

It was wild. It was a weekend borne of a distinct rivalry that couldn't happen anywhere but here. I got to laugh with some Rider fans, drink with some true Bomber fans, and get hit by projectile watermelon and beer cans after a last minute Rider touchdown.

I cheered my team, high-fived some like-minded fans, and lost my voice.

Although I was less than impressed with how our section of fans were treated by our hosts (there's no excuse for throwing beer cans at kids wearing Bomber jerseys), I was blown away by the overall experience. My camera battery may have died and I may not have thrown up or been arrested, but I had a blast.

It was pretty freakin' cool to be part of a little Canadian gem on Labour Day.

Gah!!!

2007-08-30T18:44:00.000-05:00

The VPs in my company have no balls and apparently, let personality get you waaaay too far.

They hired a guest rep four months ago who showed up 45 minutes late, dropped the f-bomb within the first five minutes of the interview, and had no relevant experience because they liked her outgoing attitude.

This same guest rep SLEPT WITH A CLIENT on a multi-city tour while on probation - a major, major no-no. Her VP knows. He actually said "If heard about this, he'd fire her." She's constantly on the phone or Facebook (and got Facebook banned for the rest of us) and is incredibly unprofessional. So, what do they do?

THEY PROMOTE HER! She's now an Event Coordinator -- and is telling the office she's running our program in Beijing for the Olympics...

None of the VPs will say anything to the pres about her lackluster behaviour and breaking one of the cardinal rules because "she brings a spark to the office." And they have no balls.

I'm sorry, but what example does that set for the rest of us plebs who a) show up to work on time (her punctuality hasn't changed since her interview) b) do a good job and c) DON'T SLEEP WITH CLIENTS?!?!?!

Packing list for this weekend

2007-08-29T19:43:00.000-05:00

I'm going to Regina for the long weekend and I'm bringing a...

Blue wig.
Jersey.
Noisemakers.
Blue jello shooters.
Hard hat with beer holders.
Cowboy hat.
Bomber flag for husband to wear as a cape.
Drinking liver.

I love Labour Day. Go Blue!

Sometimes, you just have to take the ball.

2007-08-27T21:05:00.000-05:00

Our football team played a really shitty game today. We had no completions going into the fourth quarter.

I asked if I could QB. I warmed up on the side and I went in. I had one completion and one pick, didn't move the ball at all, but feel not too bad about the whole experience because instead of whining about not getting the ball, I literally took it.

So, maybe I'm not going to be a star QB, but I'm not afraid to put myself in the middle of a pissy group of girls and huck a piece of pigskin even though I've never picked up a snap before (which is harder than it looks when you've got a super fast rusher coming at your face). I'm not afraid.

I think that's a good step. I'm usually crippled by worry, which causes either inaction or a bad decision based on weighing the consequences too heavily.

I need to keep putting myself out there.

Yep, I jinxed it

2007-08-23T19:12:00.000-05:00

Or something like that.

Oh well - I sold my extra JT tickets today. Something good came out of this afternoon, even though I almost burst into tears at work... which would not have been good, but despite not being on anti-depressants for um, almost a month now, I did okay.

Ahhh, the rollercoaster of life. Can't live without it.

Still waiting.

2007-08-22T20:42:00.000-05:00

And I'm making myself sick about it.

I've jinxed myself. Completely.

When will I learn?

I am impatient.

2007-08-20T19:13:00.000-05:00

It's said in my job reviews, it's been said by my parents and yes, I want to scream it from the rooftops -- I am IMPATIENT!

I cannot imagine going through almost an entire year of pregnancy before meeting a little guy or girl. I cannot imagine waiting for a transplant. I cannot imagine waiting another full day for something very, very exciting.

Waiting is the hardest part. I'm trying to tell myself that anticipation is half the fun, but it's really not.

Superbad = Supergood

2007-08-18T22:30:00.001-05:00

That is all.

I need good vibes this week.

2007-08-13T21:28:00.000-05:00

I'm not going to tell you why, as it's rather personal and I don't want to get into it on the interweb, but I need some good vibes this week.

Danke.

He's coming home...

2007-08-12T19:18:00.001-05:00

B has been transfered back to Winnipeg, starting mid-September!

Yay!

I cannot wait to be half-assed family again!

PS- News like this deserves three exclamation marks! Make that four... or five!

Why couldn't I...

2007-08-10T18:56:00.000-05:00

Have found a sugar daddy and lived my life traveling and shopping and working out with my personal trainer and lounging by my pool in the backyard?

Oh, that's right. Because I married for love... damn.

Breaking news for cat owners!

2007-08-09T12:26:00.001-05:00

Are Your Cats Old Enough To Learn About Jesus?

Being the bigger person sucks sometimes

2007-08-08T19:24:00.001-05:00

I'm in the middle of a little power struggle at work. When our VP is away, a co-worker and I apparently fight for who's top dog. I don't know who's fighting, but apparently, that's what he's telling the office.

In my mind, I don't care. I want to get my work done and if the VP leaves me in charge of his important projects and as the contact for his important clients, that just means I've got more work to do.

Yesterday, our newest Marketing team member had to leave early and she asked me if she should send a note to the office. Since she was leaving just a 1/2 hour early and didn't take a lunch, I didn't think it was a big deal so I just told her to mark it down on our 'holiday' spreadsheet, which tracks appointments, lates, etc.

The prez came down at 4:40 and asked where she was (as part of a conversation). I said that she was getting a parking ticket cleared up, and he asked me to email our VP and copy him just so he would know. I BCCed her just so she would know what happened.

The other dude who thinks he is in charge was pissed that she didn't ask him and today, said that the prez was super pissed off and she was in major trouble (neither of which were true). The new employee has never worked in an office before and has only been with us for two months, so she was terrified and confronted me, saying she felt like an idiot and was mad that I got her in trouble.

She was never in trouble. It was no big deal. Dude who thinks he is in charge likes stirring up shit.

I step up and go into crisis communications mode, sending an email apologizing to new girl and sending an email apologizing to my VP and the prez, saying I'm sorry if I mislead new girl and I don't want her to get in trouble for my bad judgment. All this draws attention to myself, but hopefully showcases me as an honest employee who never meant any harm... even though this wasn't a big deal in the first place.

Bah. I step up and take one for the new girl just because dude wanted to make me look bad -- and he succeeded. Fuck.

The Library

2007-08-06T17:29:00.000-05:00

I love the Library.

Being a single wife has rekindled my love of books and after spending way more than I should on trade paperbacks this summer, I finally got my butt back to the Millennium Library last week.

I love books. I love stories. I love words.

No Batman means more time to read. It's a wonderful thing and it keeps my mind off the fact that yet again, I'm going to bed alone.

Completely out-of-context quotes from a weekend with B's family

2007-08-05T19:12:00.000-05:00

"He-eeyyy!"

"They held me back a year because I couldn't find my elbow."

"Yes, that's a church."

"I have a huge head and stubby arms."

"Buff-a-lo!"

"I've got a story for you... Aunty Sharon goosed me while I was hugging Grandma!"

"I have to admit, shaving my upper lip was kind of awkward."

"Park it!"

And, a very funny picture from the Super 8 in Brandon...

I finally know why I have yet to find career nirvana (other than the fact it does not exist)

2007-08-01T17:53:00.000-05:00

I am not made to work in an office.

My body hates sitting at a desk for 8 hours every day. My eyes are not made to stare at a computer screen for 40ish hours per week.

I'm the first generation of my family to do this type of "white collar" (ha) work and I hate being cooped up in the same space, day after day, working on projects that do nothing but line the pockets of the prez and make me enough to pay my mortgage and put some cash away for the retirement that seems like light years away.

Sure, it's a casual office and I don't have to play dress up, but the work is the same as it was everywhere else... pushing words or ideas to an audience that 99.9% of the time doesn't give a shit about what I or anyone else has to say.

Breaking it down to the basics, I come from farming blood. My maiden name literally meant "overseer of land and stock." I'm supposed to be outside or working on a variety of different things or doing anything but watching my big butt get bigger in a downtown office building.

Bah. I'm fighting genetics and tradition and my sense of worth for a paycheque and a mention in Google News.

No wonder I have yet to find a job in communications/marketing that makes me happy.

Concussed.

2007-07-30T20:02:00.001-05:00

An elbow to the back of the head during a "touch" football game has once again rendered me woozy.

I have had ringing in my ears for over 24 hours now and have no appetite at all.

I still love football. I just hate that I'm concussion-prone. I wouldn't consider this a MAJOR concussion (it's not top 3) but it's a pain the head, none the less.

My new love

2007-07-26T19:23:00.001-05:00

Touch football.

I never, ever thought I would enjoy a sport that's rather contact-oriented, but it's AWESOME.

You're always moving, you always have a chance to make a play (or add to the play) and most of all, I don't suck. Much.

I love it so much I almost don't want to get pregnant this winter so I can play next season.

C-razy.

What is considered living life?

2007-07-24T17:40:00.001-05:00

Right now, I feel like I'm just dealing with whatever is thrown my way -- there are very few things that make me feel 'alive.'

I'm happiest when playing touch football (which I LOVE... it's awesome), having bevvies with friends, or laughing with the husband. Throw in a golf game on a sunny day or working a great hockey or football game and yep, that's what really makes me happy.

There are so many mundane things in my day-to-day existence. I update a pricing web site for half of my work day while trying to come up with exciting PR ideas (with no budget). I live alone with two cats and find no joy in cooking for one or cleaning for two. I worry constantly about money, my husband's safety, and the future.

This is life -- why do I not feel like I'm living?

Some thoughts after a decent vacation

2007-07-22T19:21:00.000-05:00

I married a child. A boy. Definitely not a man. My husband is unable to do things on his own or, keep himself occupied. We had to play old skool "Hangman" on the flight back because he wouldn't let me read and had to annoy me in every way possible. He is also whiny, cranky, and must have his way, no matter what.
That said, Batman can be fun to be around when he's not pouting or pulling on my sweater (despite the fact it's not fun to play Hangman with someone with atrocious spelling).
My body hated Colorado, just like it hated Kitzbuhel at the beginning. My sinuses were a mess and it was headache city. My stomach was better than in Kitz, but I think that had to do with the distinct lack of German food we ate while in Breckenridge.
I need a new job with some sort of mat-leave top-up. I spent the conference surrounded by a)Americans and b)entrepreneurs and I constantly wondered how they a)continue to live with a President like Dubya b)took the risk to start their own companies c)live with just six weeks maternity leave.
I cannot imagine leaving a six-week-old baby at a daycare facility.
I need another vacation.

Vacation

2007-07-15T20:41:00.000-05:00

I'm off to Colorado for five days... see you on the flip side!

Good

2007-07-12T20:47:00.001-05:00

It seems like at one time or another, we're all looking for purpose in our lives.

Right now, my purpose is to be a good wife, a good friend, a good family member and a good co-worker. Notice I didn't say "great."

I just want to be good. I'm okay with good. I can handle good.

I hope that's good enough for everyone else -- because right now, it's good enough for me.

On my way to being...

2007-07-09T21:46:00.001-05:00

A River Heights hockey mom.

We bought this house on Ash -- we take possession in January.

Happy Canada Day!

2007-07-01T19:00:00.001-05:00

I love my country and what it stands for. I may not agree with all of my fellow citizens, or with my government at all times, but to live in a country where one can be who they want to be without threat of persecution or prosecution is something to be very proud of.

Oh, Canada, happy 140th!

True to form

2007-06-27T21:10:00.001-05:00

I'm supposed to be putting laundry away but I decided to update my blog.

Work is getting weird these days. The company is growing so fast and opportunities are coming from all over the world and crazy ideas are running rampant... and I'm not feeling it.

The small company, everyone-working-together-towards-a-common-goal feel is gone.

My job has lost a lot of its lustre in the past few months, and today, it hit me as to why my motivation is lagging -- joking about bleaching ass hair and making a starting salary wage is not where I, as a 27-year-0ld professional, want to be at this stage in my career.

I took this job because I needed to find my professional self. I wanted to see what I was good at and be able to throw myself into a variety of different projects outside of my comfort zone.

I discovered that hypocrisy lives in small companies, non-profits, and big evil mothercorps. Hard work will get you a raise, but won't earn you respect without sucking up to the right folks at the right time. I learned that there are still people who own companies who think women should be paid less because their husbands make decent cash.

Idealistic JL is gone forever. It's about freakin' time.

I want a decent paycheque. I want a pension. I want mat-leave top-up. I want to be able to have some money left over at the end of the month. I want to make more than what some kid coming out of university makes, despite my years of what-seems-like wasted experience.

No wonder I haven't been blogging lately. There's been too much real-world learning going on and little time for naval gazing.

Blame it on...

2007-06-26T21:02:00.001-05:00

Facebook.

House hunting.

Exhaustion.

Frustration.

Good books from Amazon.ca.

The Rain.

Either way, I've been a bad, bad blogger.

Bad Blogger!

2007-06-13T19:20:00.001-05:00

Well, nothing is new so what should I blog about? A great job review, despite a really shitty raise? Looking for a house knowing that we can't afford what we really want? Or, maybe I should complain about being a single wife some more.

Yeah, it's not something you want to hear, so I'm not going to write about it.

I'm even scaring myself.

2007-05-30T21:26:00.000-05:00

I am telling people that I aspire to be a River Heights hockey mom, taking my kids to book readings at McNally Robinson and "Mom and Me" at the Pan Am Pool.

Apparently, I have officially lost 'cool' status with my single friends. I think they are just as scared as I am.

However, it's a happy scared, which, I must say, is comforting.

Muscle Relaxants Are My Friend

2007-05-27T21:39:00.001-05:00

That is all.

Trying to figure out who the hell you are supposed to be

2007-05-26T23:16:00.001-05:00

Keep in mind, this is after a quite a few shots of rum... I'm rather bleary-eyed right now.

I turn 27 in a few weeks, and as always, I'm looking for some hints as to who I am supposed to be.

In the last ten years, I've been in love with the same guy, stuck pretty close to my original career path, and completed a lot of my 'to do before I'm 30' tasks.

Now, we're looking for a 'forever' home and considering starting a family. I know nothing in life is perfectly planned, but I want to move into a 2 story house in River Heights, conceive a brilliant child (or two) and live happily ever after being a hockey mom with an okay job and a decent marriage.

The lovely wyliekat wrote, a few weeks back, about how she is finally comfortable with the age she is and with who she is. She is also a kick-ass mom and finally in a professional situation that suits her sassy, intellectual self.

Maybe, just maybe, stepping outside myself some more will lead me to who I want to be. Maybe doing dumb things like joining football teams or taking crazy pay cuts to work in cool companies will make me the JL I want and am supposed to be.

Really, how the hell do you figure out who you are supposed to be other than through experience? But how far outside of "yourself" do you have to go to find who you is supposed to be?

Last year at this time, I was in France on a self-discovery tour. I found out I am much stronger, much more daring, and much more dedicated to my marriage than I ever thought. A year later, I sit here (a little drunk), wondering what else I have to do to make me, me.

When do you finally become "you" and when do you know? What does it take to become the person you want to be?

And if I'm not me right now, who the hell am I?

Where does it all go wrong for some people?

2007-05-24T21:38:00.001-05:00

A kid I went to school with committed suicide two nights ago.

We were never close -- he was a year younger than I was and ran a hard and fast life -- but it just leads me to wonder how dark that hole must be for some to actually take their own life.

He had been in jail, in detox, and was essentially a troubled youth. His parents also had 2 other 'troubled' kids... and one might blame it on daddy's alcoholism or something mom didn't do right, but in the end, he was a farm kid from my hometown who took a completely different route through his short life.

And, apparently, people thought he was breaking out of his wild ways. His girlfriend is left with a one-year-old baby boy who will never know his dad.

I don't question why he did it as I understand sometimes, depression and extenuating circumstances can make day-to-day living unbearable for people with 'demons' in their heads, but I feel for his parents.

When he was born, I can imagine the hope and excitement and love... and now, they're left to wonder what they did to cause so much pain in his life. I'm not a parent, but I think that would be the first reaction I would have -- 'what could I have done differently?'

Personally, I feel suicide is the most selfish act anyone can possibly imagine. There are those with terminal cancer and other situations who I will see as justified, but a 26-year-old kid from middle class small town Manitoba?

His poor parents. His demons may be silenced, but theirs never will.

The roller-coaster continues

2007-05-23T21:32:00.000-05:00

No acreage for us. With B on the road constantly, I could not handle 4 acres (hell, even 1 acre) by myself, especially if little ones are soon to be in tow.

I found a perfect 2-story family home on Comfree and looked at it today with my sis. It's in Charleswood, has a big backyard, and has four bedrooms for possible little ones. It's not ideal (only a single garage, needs kitchen and bathroom makeovers, requires new windows soon, the basement is kinda creepy) but it would be an ideal home for a growing family.*

With a little bit of work, we could make that place into a forever home that we would love. However, the possession date is July 1st and our place is no where near ready to sell... unless we sell it privately to a friend of mine who wants it badly.

Stay tuned -- the roller-coaster continues.

*Family is not growing as of yet. I'll keep you posted.

So we found land...

2007-05-21T11:47:00.000-05:00

And I need to make a pros/cons list to get my head straight:

Pros:

It's a dream come true!
Awesome location, just 10 minutes north of the Perimeter (and mostly 4 lane highway for winter driving)
Almost 5 acres
Close enough to a town (St. Andrews) that our future kids won't feel like their isolated (like I did, growing up 17 miles from civilization)
Won't have to start building until next spring
Neighbours are far enough away that I will never hear their wind chimes (or hear them screech in French) again
I can already see kids playing soccer, baseball, and hockey in the backyard.

Cons:

Will have to take out a substantial amount of our savings for the deposit
Scared that our house will not hold value due to some crazy economic calamity
Outside the Perimeter = more driving
Going from a small mortgage to a medium sized mortgage
No mat-leave top up at my current job, so there are some lean years ahead when we finally decide to have kids

Chauk this one up to "leaving my comfort zone"

2007-05-17T21:28:00.000-05:00

I had my first touch football practice today.

As of June 15th, I'll be playing slopitch and touch football all summer.

Maybe B being away isn't a bad thing.

PS: Boot camp is going well. The food thing so MUCH easier this time around... but I forgot about the exhaustion!

I just don't know how to feel.

2007-05-15T21:48:00.000-05:00

It's supposed to be time to start a family in our household, but with the husband away, that's rather difficult without raising all kinds of icky questions.

Now, more than ever, I am not ready to have a child, even though we've basically planned the last 5ish years to get to this point.

I can't imagine not sleeping in, or having to do laundry constantly, or having my body be invaded by multiplying cells for 40 weeks, then having my boobs used for nourishment for another 6 months.

Quick answer: I'm just not ready to have kids yet.

Maybe parenthood renders you selfless all of a sudden, but I'm just not so sure that I wouldn't regret having kids change my lifestyle. I like being able to work two jobs, go to Boot Camp or football games or wings at Smittys... I don't know if I'm ready for my life to change so drastically.

B wants kids. B wants kids now. But, he doesn't have to deal with the hormonal, the emotional, and the physical ramifications of pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding. All of these things scare the living daylights out of me.

So not ready. So supposed to be ready. So conflicted.

Eating well feels good

2007-05-09T21:07:00.000-05:00

I feel so much better when I eat 5 servings of fruits and veggies a day.

Why is it so hard for me to keep this up? Why do I crave salts and sugars when they just bring me down?

Sucker for punishment

2007-05-08T21:26:00.000-05:00

I joined Boot Camp again.

I can't help it. I love the way it makes me feel. I love cleaning up my diet and pushing my body for a few weeks, and then taking what I learned and trying to integrate it into my normal life.

Workout 2 was today and I'm a bit tired, a little bit wired, and feeling my shoulders -- where I carry most of my stress and where I am always very, very tense to start with.

Methinks I need a massage soon.

Back from Derby...

2007-05-07T21:22:00.000-05:00

And I'm wiped.

It was cool. The best way to describe it is a really neat juxtaposition of wealthy people,
drunk people, and wealthy drunk people.

If I was single and looking for a sugar daddy, Derby was the place to be. Despite being married and in a long-distance relationship, I still had some fun (like drinking and dancing until 5am at a bar... and maybe danced on the bar, around one of the stripper poles).

I am exhausted.

And it sucks.

2007-04-28T17:53:00.000-05:00

B leaves tomorrow. I'll see him in two weeks (and I'm on the road next week myself) so this stretch won't be hard, but ughhhh, I hate the separation.

I'm heading up there for the May long weekend to go fishing and camping, which should be fun, I think. I honestly don't care as long as I get to spend time with my boy.

More medical drama?

2007-04-26T21:47:00.000-05:00

And I'm not talking Grey's Anatomy. I just was referred a specialist, yet again.

My family doctor suspects endometriosis.

I keep telling myself I am too young to worry about my fertility and everything will be fine.

I am too young to worry about my fertility and everything will be fine.

Repeat as necessary.

I need to buy a big hat.

2007-04-24T21:43:00.000-05:00

I'm going to the Kentucky Derby next weekend!

All she needs is just a little patience...

2007-04-23T19:09:00.000-05:00

Yeah, so patience isn't my best virtue.

In fact, I have little to no patience when it comes to people who miss deadlines, over-promise and under-deliver, and especially folks who do not treat other people with the basic human principle of respect.

Today, my boss mentioned that patience is not one of my strong suits. I agreed and don't actually see it as a bad thing.

If you promise me something, do it.

If you say you're going to have it done, don't miss your deadline.

If you treat me like crap, don't expect me to kiss your ass or go out of my way to make your life better.

I can't help it. Patience with bullshit that directly affects my life is not something I want nor need.

Spring.

2007-04-22T17:01:00.000-05:00

We both need jobs that allow us to stay home more.

2007-04-16T23:34:00.000-05:00

I got home at 11pm tonight from shooting the Il Divo concert at the local arena. Not my musical style, but I can appreciate the vocal talent of this manufactured group.

I will be back at the rink on Thursday and Saturday. This is coming off a stretch of pulling double shifts on 12 of the last 20 days.

B is off to The Pas at the end of April and will only be stopping by our lovely home every odd weekend until the end of the summer. I get to play the role of the single wife yet again, so I've signed up for boot camp and look forward to another crazy month of freelance work to keep myself busy.

Part of me wants to throw myself into my 9-5 job, but I know it's not worth it. After a year and a bit of really enjoying the atmosphere, I am sure the honeymoon is over. I have taken a completely different approach with this job -- being open and honest about my skills, my goals, and my overall career aspirations to have it all pretty much deemed inadmissable by the powers that be.

When I wasn't even considered for the event manager job back in October, I knew things were taking an ugly turn but I perserved. Now, when it is completely obvious that I am taken for granted, I'm starting to wonder what else there is for me in this wide world.

I love my freelance life. I love television production. I just wish I could somehow make it into a career.

And maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't have to be pulling double shifts to be getting both the money and the sense of accomplishment that I so deserve.

Another J and B conversation from last week

2007-04-12T20:29:00.000-05:00

Scene: The bedroom

J comes to bed after B and reaches over to cuddle. J feels something sticky on the sheets.

J: "Ewww! That's disgusting!"

B, in his best Chazz Michael Michaels voice: "That's how babies are made."

PS: Loved "Blades of Glory." May have to educate the husband about the birds and the bees.

The search is on...

2007-04-08T13:59:00.000-05:00

And now, we've changed our minds AGAIN on where we're going to live.

We're looking for a lot just outside the city and building our forever house.

Stay tuned -- our intentions will probably change five or six more times before we actually get this deal done.

Go Habs!

2007-04-07T12:08:00.000-05:00

If the Leafs win tonight, I am not watching the playoffs until the Finals.

Seriously.

I'm confused

2007-04-02T19:49:00.000-05:00

I'm assuming my stock is rising at work because I'm getting pulled into more projects and getting really good feedback -- well, so far this week.

However, I don't know what direction my manager and the president are grooming me for. Some days, I feel like they want me to move into sales management, even though I've made it really clear I want to move toward event management (and they've made it really clear I will not move in that direction).

I don't know what I want to do, other than make more money and stay in everyone's good books. Is that too much to ask?

What Not to Wear

2007-04-01T19:28:00.000-05:00

I need Stacy and Clinton to visit me.

I am a walking "What Not to Wear" commercial these days.

However, if they ever were to appear in a part of my life, I'd probably cry. And then punch Stacy London in the face.

I'm quoted in the NY Times

2007-03-31T12:25:00.000-05:00

I think it's the highlight of my career.

Is this too spring?

2007-03-29T21:05:00.001-05:00

I'm wondering if the new layout is too "spring"?

Trying to create something fun is more difficult than it should be.

A letter to Lola

2007-03-29T18:31:00.000-05:00

Dearest Lola,

Do you have any idea how close I was to throwing you outside last night after you repeatedly woke me up, paying with your little chunks of dry food? No.

Do you know what it's like to get up and go to an office surrounded by idiot sales dudes, be told that you're going to be helping monitor their upcoming promotion (in which you get no return, other than more headaches) and smile about it? No.

Do you have to deal with a husband who works stupid hours and is being transfered 6 hours north to the same place he played junior hockey -- a place that still brings a bit of anger and questioning to your mind? No.

I ask you, dear Lola, to sleep through the night tonight. One peep and I'm locking you in the spare bedroom. No word of a lie. If I can catch you, you're going to be committed.

Love,
Momma

House hunting?

2007-03-28T19:18:00.000-05:00

I contacted our realtor today to let her know we're going to be looking at buying and selling later this spring.

This decision was cemented after we discovered that a tiny, dated bungalow just two streets over with major roof problems and no garage went for $30K over list price with multiple bids. Our clean, cute, and well-equipped bi-level will fetch a pretty penny and the realtor assured me that we should be able to find what we're looking for (3 bedroom bungalow/split level/two story with garage and yard in an established neighbourhood) well within budget.

And what is budget, you may be thinking (well, I'm thinking)?

Not much more than what this house will sell for. It's crazy, but we can seriously upgrade based on the fact our house has gained crazy value since we updated it, added central air conditoning, and fixed the garage roof. It's a number that will allow me to choose whether being a stay-at-home parent is something we can stomach financially when the time comes.

I'm not ready for the stress that house hunting will bring, but I'm looking forward to finding a home that we can raise a family in.*

* When the time comes.

What's new?

2007-03-27T20:43:00.000-05:00

Absolutely nothing.

The truck is back in our hands, apparently as good as new. I've got a shiny new laptop. I'm addicted to Facebook. The husband is home until the end of April, when he gets shipped off to The Pas (where he played junior hockey) for four months. I'm heading to Colorado in July for a week.

Other than that, nothing is new.

I'll be blogging again soon...

2007-03-21T11:29:00.000-05:00

I just ordered one of these babies to replace my dead HP. I didn't want to spend the money, but since the truck doesn't need major repair, this is totally swingable due to working 14 double duty days (normal job and freelance job) in the next 3 weeks.

I cannot wait to love my Macbook.

A belated Happy St. Patty's Day...

2007-03-19T09:56:00.000-05:00

From the drunk Swedish/Ukrainian:

Out of commission.

2007-03-15T12:46:00.000-05:00

Truck was recovered. "Moderate" damage -- whatever that means. I'll know more next week.

Laptop is dead. Not being resurrected. Once I find out if I need to purchase a new vehicle or not, I will replace it. Or not.

Just waiting on bad thing number 3 to strike me down.

We're not called the auto-theft capital for nothing.

2007-03-12T18:26:00.000-05:00

Some asshole stole our truck from my parking spot downtown today.

I am not impressed.

It's 3:15 am and I'm...

2007-03-11T03:14:00.000-05:00

D-runk.

I just cabbed it home after a 'couple' drinks with some co-workers.

Yay day-light savings time... good thing I have nothing planned for 'today' because I have to go and pick up the truck I left downtown because I got too hammered to drive.

D-runk.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

2007-03-10T12:13:00.000-06:00

All I want to do is sleep.

I can never get enough sleep. I yawn even after 12 hours of shut-eye.

Actually, I do know what's wrong. I don't get uninterrupted sleep. The hubby came home at 11pm last night, showered, and then was up at 4:30am this morning.

I love his paycheque, but I hate his hours. Thankfully, he's staying close to the job-site but every 3 or so days, he comes home, showers, sleeps and then takes off again, leaving me with an awful sleep, a sense of sadness, and a longing for some quality time with my boy.

The title of this post is all wrong. JL is tired, lonely, and sick of her husband's schedule.

Confrontation

2007-03-08T19:42:00.000-06:00

I got in a disagreement at work today. That never happens, except with this one sales dude.

Long story short: part of my job is to maintain our web site, including our online trip quote/booking engine. The pricing in this database is never final -- it has to be double checked with the product knowledge sheet pricing since there are variables built into the database for date changes (especially important since all of our packages include hotel and hotel rates can change night-to-night).

Sales dude didn't check his online booking (that he created) against the product knowledge sheet and undercharged the customers by $200 per person. Our fulfillment people caught the error and, like almost all discrepancies using the database, asked me about it.

I could explain the problem (it was pulling in an 'extra night' rate instead of a program rate) but didn't know how it happened. The sales dude could have changed the calendar function on the hotel rate line item and not canceled his changes -- the most likely source of the issue -- but I don't know for sure. The pricing in the database is correct, while the sales booking is $400 short overall.

Bottom line, sales dude didn't do his job -- he is responsible for checking that his online booking total matches the product knowledge price. It didn't, but he rang it through anyway and he was looking forward to collecting commission on this until the product fulfillment folks found the error.

When they informed sales dude of his error, he stormed over to my desk and demanded an explanation. One of the features of any conversation with this person is they never accept blame and never let you finish a sentence. The conversation went like this:

Sales Dude: "Why was the pricing wrong?"

JL: "I don't know - it is pulling in an extra night. The system works off of date-based pricing records so it was somehow pulling in a wrong price."

Sales Dude: "Well, it wasn't my mistake."

JL: "Actually, Sales Dude, it's protocol to double check all SYSTEMNAME prices."

Sales Dude: "Well, it should be right. How am I supposed to take a booking on the phone if the numbers aren't right?"

JL: "The Product Knowledge sheet is king. You have to book off that and use SYSTEMNAME as just a tool. The pricing in SYSTEMNAME is not final. This is something..."

Sales Dude: "Why are we adding this extra step? Do you know how much pressure we are under to get the sale and I have to put the caller on hold to figure the total out?"

JL: "This is the protocol. It's the way the system works."

Sales Dude: "I'm so frustrated. SYSTEMNAME is always screwing up my bookings."

JL: "Well, Sales Dude, you are supposed to confirm prices before they get to the booking stage. SYSTEMNAME cannot do that for you."

Sales Dude leaves in a huff and procedes to talk to his boss about it. Said VP calls me over. I explain the situation from my perspective and Sales Dude ADMITS he just eyeballed the total and it looked right, but it wasn't.

VP calls him on his error and I explain that he doesn't have to use SYSTEMNAME if he's booking someone who is on the phone -- he can enter it into the system later.

Sales Dude says the system is redundant and there is no reason for the system (essentially saying that my marketing tool is a waste of time).

VP says, "Just wait a second. There are $80K Olympic quotes coming from that system..."

Sales Dude interrupts: "Well, of course I'll take the quotes..."

VP and JL interrupt: "Well,"

VP says, "You can't have one or the other. The system is set up as a tool for this reason."

JL is vindicated. Her system brings sales guys huge leads, while one sales dude decides to consistently ignore protocol. He complain to VP about how his reputation with the fulfillment people is crap and he's always getting shit on. JL leaves the conversation.

I was having a crappy, crappy day until this happened at 3:30. After that, I couldn't stop smiling.

Sales isn't easy. You couldn't pay me enough to do it. However, no matter what position you're in, you have to do your job. You can't blame technology for your own laziness.

I held my own. I held it together.

Go JL!